“So how was it meeting HER,” Larisa asked her as she witnessed a smile on her face.
“Who?” Marta was dodging the question for the third time now and it was visibly irritating Larisa.
“Come on! It’s been three months since you have been dating her and you still haven’t told me anything. I am your best friend Marta. I NEED to know EVERYTHING.”
Exactly five months ago, Abram had broken her heart. What hadn’t she done? Everything! And what was the result of everything? A separation from her husband. And just because she had chosen ‘Her’ over him. Was it that bad?
Marta had spent her life pleasing everyone, and especially, Abram. Unfortunately though, her giving and forgiving attitude had become something that Abram started taking for granted.
“Look; it is perfectly alright to be bisexual, but, Marta; at least I deserve to know HER,” Larisa was pushing her to know who this new friend of Marta was!
“Jesus Larisa! Jesus!”
“I am NOT bisexual!” Marta revolted after coming out of the jolt that she just felt when she heard the word BISEXUAL from Larisa.
“Whaaaa? Wait a minute! Then who is she that is making you feel so good, so blushed, so refreshed? Isn’t that supposed to give me a clear indication that you are DATING a GIRL! And wait a minute; I have been with you for more than 15 years now. You haven’t felt so good with me?”
Marta raised her eyebrow jokingly.
“Oh, stop that! Not that I am saying, you should have felt that way with me. But I am just perplexed, you know!” Larisa retorted, giving way to Marta’s conversation.
“You know a friend like you can be a real pain in the ass?” Marta said as she put her little Victor in the cot.
“Why? Okay, you speak!”
“You know Larisa what had happened five months ago. I had spent years with that man and I had given him everything, listened to him word by word, and devoted myself to him as if there was no other world for me. And what he did? He left me when Victor was still in me. Is that what a man does? Should he be even called a man?”
“I know Marta. Life has been really tough on you all this while. And more than that; persecute of releasing the baby out of you all alone! I know. Had Abram been there, everything would have been so different. But he is not. And I clearly understand how everything was for you. But I am just sticking around you because I have never seen you like this in years. You have changed and SHE has changed you. Not me, your best friend; not Abram, your husband and not even Victor, your precious part! But she! That is why; I want to know everything about her.”
“You really want to know who she is? Okay, I’ll tell you.” Marta brought two cups of coffee and sat on the chair.
“Finally,” Larisa took the cup and sat with an expression of curiousness, on the chair opposite to Marta.
“She is no one, but me!” Marta said.
Still confused, Larisa decided to keep quiet and let her do the talking.
“Abram was a great man. He was all that I wanted, all that I have ever wanted in my life. But you know, the first time he slapped me; I was shocked! Abram had taken me for granted since years. And I hadn’t said a word. Why? Of course, it was my fault throughout. But, you know what Larisa? Women are made of that flesh and blood. We allow ourselves to be taken for granted because we think it’s our responsibility to do so. We think that man in our life has the right to do so. And what happens eventually? We forget ourselves. We forget who we are and we become what they make us- subjugated, deprived and fragile. And guess what? They like it that ways!”
Marta continued, “But when he raised his hand on me that night, without thinking once that I had Victor in me, it broke me. It shattered me. That night, I went to the other room, looked at the mirror and asked her- why is this happening to me? That reflection, you know? That is what has made me what I am today.”
“What? A reflection? Have you taken yourself to the philosophy classes?” Larisa said.
“No! I have learnt the meaning of life and she has taught me that! My reflection in the mirror- my inner self- my soul- the real me! You may find it funny, but you know, that night when my reflection told me that my life was in my hand completely, something happened inside me. Victor kicked that day for the first time. May be, it was a kick from God’s little messenger! Or perhaps, my reflection had told me that if I could produce another life, then I am stronger. Not Abram. And that changed everything.”
“Ahan! That is making a little bit of sense. But do you want to say that your reflection or whatever you are saying, your inner self, your so-called soul, is the one you are dating from past three months?” Larisa moved to the kitchen to put another pot of coffee on the flame. Only God knew what Marta said and how she took her life!
“Yes! Larisa, I have been dating myself from the past three months and that has made all the difference in the world. Dating myself as in, I have learnt to spend time with my own self. I have learnt to be alone and to like it that ways. I have learnt that wounds would heal, if I allow them to. I have learnt that things will change, if I think about that change. And more than anything, I have learnt that no one in the whole wide world is more precious than me. If I don’t love myself, no one else will! And that’s what happened with Abram.”
Larisa brought the pot to the table this time and sat with a very serious look. She knew Marta had really learnt something and that was serious. A girl whom she knew as a chirpy, bubbly and a very kiddish one, had changed! She wasn’t a girl anymore. She was a woman now.
Marta re-filled her cup and continued, “Abram fell in love with my personality. The way I was. The way I did what I always wanted to. The way I spent time on myself- dressing up, singing, dancing, painting and doing whatever I wanted. He fell in love with my distinguished personality. And what I did after we got married? I changed myself for him. I did what he wanted, and unfortunately, I lost myself. I started hating myself. And if I didn’t like the way I was, how could Abram love me? I wasn’t the girl he loved, I was changed.”
“But he changed you Marta. You didn’t do it at your whim.”
“Yes, but I allowed that to happen. And, then one day, after I started spending more time alone, I re-discovered who I was actually. I just rushed into his room one night and said it straight at his face that I needed him to leave. I actually bought time from him to let me know what was happening with me. And then, when I talked more often to myself, I listed down the things that I needed to do ASAP.”
“And that is why, you are like this now?”
“Yes Larisa. Exactly yes. Over the past three months, I have met people that I hadn’t met in years after my wedding. And more friends I met, more I realized who I was. And you know why? Because these friends belonged to my past. They told me how I used to be in high school, university, my first job and the subsequent jobs. And they told me, how very dull I had become now! That was eye-opener. I couldn’t go to a supermarket alone. I needed Abram every time. And once he left me forever, I went everywhere like the world was with me. Like, I was with myself. You know, like my confidence had bounced back. And more than anyone, that precious little one in the cot, was with me, inside me; and for once, I wanted to make him hear that his mother was laughing and not crying!
Larisa’s heart melt. She felt goosebumps on her skin as she saw her friend talk like that.
“I went to watch movies alone. I went to the parks all alone. I went to my doc alone. I spent time with myself to know who I was. And that reflection, sat like a little angel over my shoulder all the time. That inner soul of mine, kept guiding me through my tough time. That reflection held my hand throughout and didn’t let me fall apart into pieces. That soul didn’t let me shatter.
In fact, it made me happy in a way, I had never been. It made me blush in a way I have never felt. And you know why Larisa? Because I had found myself. Because I was dating my inner soul since months. And when Victor pushed himself outside me, I was a much stronger woman than who you befriended years ago!”